I am not a serial killer (Dan Wells)

I think my wife is a serial killer waiting to be unleashed on the world.

I had not heard of this novel but ran across a Powell's Books author reading late last month by Dan Wells. I read a summary of his recent book and then scheduled appropriately to go and listen to him. Jenn went with me and whispered creepy serial killer/mass murderer stats in my ear.. it was disturbing how much she knew.. I think my wife is a serial killer waiting to be unleashed on the world.

I had not heard of this novel but ran across a Powell’s Books author reading late last month by Dan Wells. I read a summary of his recent book and then scheduled appropriately to go and listen to him. Jenn went with me and whispered creepy serial killer/mass murderer stats in my ear.. it was disturbing how much she knew..? When Dan asked people to name 5 killers in order to win a t-shirt, she stayed quiet and named 14 under her breath. no one but the Author could compete with her, naming less than five, 2 of which Wells had used as examples……

please send the police after her FIRST if i ever drop off the radar (after she reads this, my stats will weigh against me.).. DO NOT enter our home, make sure to arrive with witnesses, and be careful if she offers you refreshments, it is a distraction tactic. Bring gelato if you plan on surviving..

so, the long –> short of it is that i bought a copy of I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER. Dan Wells scribbled his John Hancock into the cover and i went home.. I had some must reads already waiting that needed to be pushed through my brain machine before i could get to this.. How i waited nearly a month, i really do not know….. it was very, very good…

John Wayne Cleaver is a 15 year old boy in a small town. Overall he is a nice kid who just can’t find any connection to the people around him. he has only one friend and is a freak among his peers. He grew up in a family of morticians. He helps out around the house and business. John is an outcast because he firmly believes he will grow up to be a serial killer.

John does not WANT to be a serial killer, but he thinks that the universe has stacked the deck against him, starting with his name. His namesake is an actor who shares a name with a killer (c’mon pilgrim..). His father is Sam Cleaver, making him the Son of Sam. His last name is a tool for cutting meat.

Interestingly enough, the town John lives in has a new killer hanging around, killing people and leaving their bodies lying about with parts missing. John obsessively investigates the killer, attempting to determine his motives and methodologies. This is in part because of his interest in the subject matter, and in part because of his fear of joining the ranks.. the more he knows, the better prepared he will be.

This really was a great book. IANASK is a mild thriller, and a must read for anyone who has found themselves spending an afternoon reading through the Internet Crime Library or whiling away nights watching true crime shows on TV. Wells did a great job breaking down the mind of a killer and really leaves you mentally cheering for the 15 year old sociopath that is the main character. You know he could turn out to be a horrible person in a couple years, but hope for the best because really, his is just a great kid. classically misunderstood.

The book is portioned well, focusing on John’s internal struggle as much as his obsessions with finding and stopping the local killer.

It is a little gory in some spots, but not overly so.. of course, i could also be desensitized :).. ok, well, just assume that i am desensitized..

One of my favorite aspects of John Cleaver is that he has already identified character traits of his that make him fear for his future. He has created a series of rules that will help himself suppress these character traits. These rules are mandatory to keep himself from crossing over, they keep his darker side in check.. ignoring these rules and he threatens to unleash his darkness, self named “Mr. Monster”
Examples of his rules:
- To keep stalker qualities subdued, he avoids people for a full week if he finds he is taking too much interest in them. too many conversations and he cuts off contact. if he finds himself following them home, they get back burner’d.

- If he feels like doing bodily harm on someone, he should distract himself by being overly nice and saying nice things about them. Thinking and saying nice tings tends to push back the bad… you know the classic “Think Positive” motivational posters? He should have one tattooed on the back of his hand.

- He must hand out with Max, another outcast in his grade. having max as a friend makes him more normal. after all, sociopaths do not have friends, so having a friend combats his sociopathy.

The book is humorous and intense in all the right places.
If you pick this book up, let me know what you thought of the Halloween Dance chapter. It cracked me up enough that i read sections aloud to people who were uncomfortable with a large insistent bearded man enthusiastically reading aloud a book titled ‘I am not a serial killer’… don’t get why that would make people feel “off” but it apparently does :)

surprised that i still have a job considering the number of people who gave me uncomfortable looks on the elevator or in the break room.

Book one in a trilogy, i am very interested to see how the characters in this series turn out. Mr Wells, Get to releasing the books.. NOW! if you need someone to read them in advance, i would gladly volunteer :) (hint hint)

• Pages: 272
• Publisher: Tor Books (2010)
• ISBN-10: 0765327821
• ISBN-13: 978-0765327826