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NSFW - Rampaging F*ckers of Everything on the Crazy Sh*tting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere

Mykle Hansen lives in Portland Oregon and I am pretty sure he has live feeds of the max trains which he monitors avidly for footage of people reading his books on mass transit. This is where I read the majority of this book and it was the most uncomfortable experience I have had in years. If he doesn’t have such a feed, he should chat with TriMet and work something out…

I would welcome a chance to interview him and dig into the crackpot lounge of his brain for cigarette butts.

I loved this book, and as my introduction to the splatterpunk genre, I do not think that I could have lucked out better. If you read the below summaries and find even vacant humor, you should check this book out. Not even vacant humor?… leave this one alone. The exclusion to this logic would be every IT admin in the world, as they should read this regardless of their opinion. Monster Cocks will make them chortle between sessions of slack jaw amazement.

‘Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere’ is broken out into three novelettes (the cover says novels), ordered as follows:

MONSTER COCKS: This is the tale of a man who finally succumbs to the spam advertising in his email box. In an effort to increase his penis size, and by proxy impress the woman he obsesses over, a man buys every penis enlargement gimmick on the market and then takes it all at once. Things fail to go as planned when his penis begins to take control of daily life.. and grows it’s own eyes..

Every chapter has a big penis drawing as the header. I found this to be both awesome and embarrassing. It all depended on if someone on the train was looking over my shoulder. In some cases it made people give me more room, allowing for more comfortable transit on the max. This chapter is a space maker as people give you room, unsure what kind of person would be reading it.

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM: Scientists learn how to fold space allowing for matter to be shrunk to the nth degree. The only problem is that organic matter tends to explode once it reaches a certain point unless it is encased in like material. Tested on an 80 year old drug addicted prostitute, scientists learn that by shrinking the material and having it reside in the anus of a comatose whore, the explosions can be avoided. This is a journalistic interview piece with all the people who explored the uncharted territory of Agnes Cuddlebottom’s anus prior to the terrible catastrophe that the world never saw coming.

Every chapter has? a big pair of ass cheeks. This was less troublesome on the train as when squinting, it would appear like a drawing of a peach.

CRAZY SHITTING PLANET: In a world drowning in the trash and fecal matter of a floating sky paradise, what is a boy to do with his days? Living every day ingesting trash and plastic, allowing the organisms in his body to assist in turning garbage to nutrients. When a boy and his best friend are caught in a tidal wave of liquid shit, they must struggle to survive and find a way to coexist with the ins and outs of day to day, floating in an ocean of poo on a very strange life raft… Oh yeah, there are pirates there too.

Every Chapter was headed with a steaming drawing of curly-que poo. This one was hard on the train. One particular day, a woman was standing over me while the train broke down. After forty minutes of her watching me turn pages, when we were finally moving again she would only make huffing noises at me and feign interest in the ceiling. Later someone else stopped me before departing the train. From 30 feet away, they saw the title and cover and had to.. HAD TO know what in the good goddamn I was reading and laughing over. The people sitting near this person were not as interested in the description I shared.

That’s it, go buy it if you want it. Then come back here and tell me what you thought of Lassie’s adventures.. I am interested in your opinions :)

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